Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Goodbye

It’s an unavoidable ending

Something you now will happen

But wish it didn’t

There was so little time together

Once a year was all I saw

The disease that was cursed on us

All the falls that helped him leave

We never should have done that

Because he had so little time

Our family left alone

And the sadness fills us all

400 people came

Everyone knew him in the town

I should have spent more time

Because I will never see him again

Why did he have to go?

My first family death

We never got to say goodbye

And I already miss him so much

If only it was two months later

I could see him again

But it’s over

And I have to let go

He’s in a better place now

Six

It’s been six years together

Six years of fun

Six years of laughter

These people I have only known six years

Feel like family

Through all the fights

And all the tears

My friends make my life meaningful

When I am feeling sad

When I just want to cry

They make everything better, with just the sound of their voice

I wish we could always be together

But we only have one more year

We might drift off

But I will always remember them

They might not know how much they mean

But they make the worst situations

Feel like the best

I can talk to them about everything

And they wont judged me

I have the best friends in the world

And I will love them forever

Integrate

Everyone does it

It’s not a big deal

Just do it once, try it out

But what if I don’t want to

Am I different?

Am I a loser?

Why do I have to do it?

All the pressure

Just ignore it; you don’t have to do anything

Am I missing out?

I just want to fit in

Is this what I have to do

What if I like it?

What if I start doing it all that time?

I wish it were easy

I wish I would just say no once

But I can’t, and I will always be that girl

Who says no and then feel left out

But not anymore

I just want to be myself

And not care what people think

Two Homes

Did we make the right decision?

Is this what was supposed to happen?

It’s so different now

Everything is unusual over there

More family

More friends

Should that be my home?

Do I belong here?

It’s not fair

No one knows how I feel

I can’t be two places at once

I miss them

And I want to be there all the time

Would it be different if I lived there?

Would I want to be here?

Don’t got me wrong, California is my home

But what if it weren’t?

Two places so different

I love the people here but I miss the people there

Why is this so complicated?

I will never know

And I will have to live with this decision forever

Future

What is there to come?

Looking to the world with an uncertain future

The weight on my shoulders

To become something more

Is this what I’m supposed to be?

It’s been my dream ever since I can remember

Can I make it in life?

What if it’s too difficult?

And I end up ruining my future;

Is this the right decision?

Should I do something better?

Will this be good enough?

My dream is to be successful -

But does the end justify the means?

The expectations to do great

Make me want to delay the beginning

Just go for it

And it will all fall into place

An unpredictable time

To take chances without regrets

The only thing we can do

Is follow our hearts

Fire

The most beautiful sky I had ever seen

The morning I would never forget

Would we be okay?

Or would this be that last time I ever see my house

We had to leave them

It was just my brother, my mother and myself

I had never been so scared

Trapped between two walls of fire

The heat entering the car

We were gasping for air

But the ashes came flooding in

Was I going to die?

No one was moving

And the fire kept getting bigger

All I could think was ‘drive faster’

But it was like we were at a stand still

Finally arriving and hoping they would make it to

I had never watched so much TV in my life

I had never felt so far way

All I wanted was for us to be together

Hold tight and never let go

The wait finally ending

But the worry was still present

The phone’s ring never sounded so good

I would have never guessed this week would be so long

But our ending was lucky compared to the rest

California

Everyone sees us as the same

The typical California girl

Except we are nothing like that

Half of the people are depressed

The other half has psychological problems

It’s not always perfect like they say

We have more problems than you know

The stereotypes that make us famous

Are the ones that haunt us in our sleep

The image of this perfect life

Cause us to crumble under the pressure

The expectations we have to live up to

Make us into people we don’t want to be

It’s not what people think

Not like the movies

This is our life

And we live it just like you

Lonely

Is there something wrong

With just wanting to be wanted?

Is it too much to ask

For something so small?

Can’t it be simple

For her to find what she is looking for?

Or will it take the rest of her existence?

The life she wants can never be found

The attention she needs

Is always drifting away

The sound of that voice

And the touch of the skin

Reminder her of what she can’t have

The sadness swells up in her eyes

The tears she is fighting to hold back

The longing for the thing she wants most

And the realization it can’t be found

It’s a feeling we all want

To have someone they’re for us

And want us unconditionally

But she waits

In the loneliness of her life

Peru

Things are different there

The people

The food

The costumes

You can call me spoiled and selfish

But I have never been to a 3rd world country before

Is it going to be dangerous?

Am I going to feel safe?

It will be an adventure

Trying something new for a change

But the fear still remains

My head is going crazy

Searching for answers it cannot find

We finally arrive, this is the moment I have been dreading

And there is no going back

And my panic disappears

The people where kind

The food was good

The costumes where exciting

Something that will stay with me forever

A memories like no other

And experience I will never forget

The hardest thing I have ever done

The never-ending journey

Looking out to the horizon

At the most beautiful setting

Could this just be a dream?

Or does something this beautiful really exist

But the hike continues to become a nightmare

No stopping and no resting

All up hill by myself

The loneliness sinks in

The hurt becomes worse, and the breaths become countless

Does it get any easier? I ask and wait for an answer, but no one is there

I turn the next corner and it just gets steeper

I just want to give up

I just want to die

People pass me on mules and I sigh in agony

I keep going up this infinite wall of sadness

I ultimately see the group

Could this be the end?

Could I possibly be able to stop and sleep?

Finally we made it to the top

And I accomplished the impossible